Dreams of a boy
by Calafair
Summary: [one shot] A tale of a foolish boy who runs away from home to fight. He doesn't really know what's happening, so all the things he says are pretty stupid.


Note: I found William's freedom speech really inspiring and I love it. But I was just thinking, everybody's so serious, let's make fun of it a little. So, I hope you don't mind ...

Disclaimer: Braveheart doesn't belong to me. (and yes, i don't have a brave heart)

* * *

"Mam, I want to fight for the freedom of Scotland." 

My mam looked at me as if I was mad.

"What's with you, you crazy chiel! Have you eaten too much haggis?"

"I want to go! I want to go!"

I was spanked on the butt three times.

"Gang there and do you work! And enough of your crazy talk."

* * *

I walked sulkily to the corner. I was already fifteen, I'm going to run away. Yes, why didn't I think of that earlier? Bye bye mam, I'm going to be a hero!

I stood amongst the crowd, my friend Alistair MacGordon was next to me.

"I haven't taken a bath for four days!" I boasted.

"Why, I haven't taken one for ten!" Alistair said smugly.

A man beside us started laughing loudly, "I haven't bathed all my life!"

To think I thought my nose was rotten.

Suddenly, someone in the crowd (I think it was Harold) said, "All right lads, I'm not dying for these bastards. Let's go home!"

Everyone started speaking at the same time. I looked at Alistair, confused. I thought we've come to fight!

"Who are we fighting anyway?" I asked Alistair.

"The French! You idiot!" Alistair said, smacking me on the head

"No! It's the Greeks!" said another

"What's the Greeks doing in Scotland?"

"Taking a holiday, mebbe."

"I thought we're fighting em'!"

Then, there was a sudden silence. A group of men on horseback appeared. Leading them was a horseman with his face painted blue.

"Oh! The enemy!" I shrieked.

"That's William Wallace, you fool!" someone said, pointing to the man with the blue face.

"Can't be!" said another, "Not tall enough!"

"We want to go home!" said Harold (or I think it was) again, "The English are too many!"

"OH!" I exclaimed, "We're fighting Englishmen!"

"That's what I told you!" Alistair said.

"No, you didn't!"

"Did so!" Alistair insisted.

"Why does Harold keep wanting to go hame anyway? Is his mama waiting for him?" I asked.

Alistair shushed me up.

"Sons of Scotland, I am William Wallace." The man with the blue face said.

"William Wallace is seven feet tall," Someone said.

Really? Oh, that's how a seven feet tall person looked like. I think I should be six feet eight then.

"Yes, I've heard." Said William, "Kills men by the hundreds, and if he were here, he could shoot the Englishmen with bolts of lightning from his arse!"

"Wow!" I exclaimed, "I wish I can do that too!"

"I am William Wallace!" said William again.

Why did he keep repeating that?

"And I see a whole army of my countryman. You come to fight as free man and free man you are. What will you do without freedom? Will you fight?"

I saw the rest was shouting no, so I shouted, no! no!

"What's the question anyway?" I asked Alistair.

He didn't reply. Hmm

I wasn't listening, so I didn't know what happened after that. But the next thing I knew, I heard the bagpipes being played. I bet Ewan was playing it.

"What's happening?"

"We're ganna fight the English!" Alistair said.

I beamed. Yay! Finally! I get to fight, I'm ganna go home a hero.

"Thank goodness I brought some blue berries." I said.

I squashed the blue berries and applied them on my face.

"What are you doing?" Alistair asked.

"I'm trying to look like Will Wallace. See, my face's blue!"

"Give me some! Give me some!"

Alistair applied it on his face too.

Everyone else started cheering and raising their swords and knives.

"I brought a hammer!" Alistair said proudly, "I'm ganna pound those English heads!"

"A hammer?" I exclaimed, "Whatever for? I brought my mam's pan. I didn't tell her I took it, she's ganna kill me when I get hame."

I saw the rest started to lift their kilts. I did the same. I lifted my kilts happily and showed my Scotch bottoms to the Englishmen and they grimaced. Why, I wonder. Don't they like our bottoms?

"This is fun!" I screamed to Alistair.

Alistair was laughing like a crazy man.

A cold gust of wind blew and I felt uncomfortable, so I put my kilt back in place.

The English raised their long bows and shot into the air.

Many of us ducked. Alistair wasn't aware of it, still caught up with the pleasure of showing his bottom to the English, who didn't seem to like it.

"Alistair, look out!"

Too late, the arrow hit him on the butt and he yowled in pain.

I started laughing at him, Alistair glared at me.

Then, William Wallace gave a loud cry and we charged down the hills, kilts flying in the air. Alistair was clutching his bottom as he ran.

I raised my pan high in the air. I was going to be a hero!

The End.


End file.
